Sunday, December 10, 2006

Gemini Cricket of Santa Barbara, California writes:

I am an avid fan of your blog. One thing, though: in your titles you always capitalize every word. Are you not aware that unimportant words like prepositions should not be capitalized?

Honey, I hope you have big tits because being an English major and a harridan besides ain't going to make you Number One on Billboard's Most Requested Bitch list. But to answer your question, to me there are no unimportant words. I'm a populist sort of guy when it comes to words in titles: if you bother to show up at all you get capitalized.

Armand Tanzarian of Yerevan, Armenia writes:

I am an avid fan of your blog. You recently wrote that 3M downsized your ass when they eliminated their Iconoclasm Division. Aren't you bitter and resentful? I would be. Hang in there, buddy.

Armand, thanks for the moral support. No, I'm not bitter and resentful. These corporate executives are people too. In fact, I find it interesting that they and their compatriots are being specifically targeted by marketers for this year's holiday season. Good for them, I say. Let them enjoy their day in the sun. Later on, when George W. Bush switches our economy to communism in an ill-advised attempt to make people forget about the war in Iraq, those people are going to be the first ones specifically targeted by cheaply-made Uzi knockoffs from the Czech Republic. I figure I can wait.

Fletcher Scrodd of Amsterdam, The Netherlands writes:

I am an avid fan of your blog. Hulles, everyone else has published Christmas lists on their blogs. Why haven't you? Have you renounced materialism in our age of exhausted whoredom groping for its blog, or did you just forget because your brain was fried to a Bac-O-Bit in the late 70's and early 80's?

Amsterdam? Say hi to Justin if he's still there. What? Oh yeah, um, Christmas. You're really putting me on the spot here, Fletcher. But okay, how about:

  • A dozen or so My Little Pony pencils (for taking blog notes)

  • Several one subject notebooks with fluffy kittens on the cover (also for taking blog notes)

  • Page 46 of the Victoria's Secret Christmas Sale Catalog (someone to take the blog notes) (not the page itself, I have that already, what's on the page, duh) (and you can keep the nightgown or whatever the hell it is to give to an Amsterdam cocktail waitress with a cute ass) (and I know several if you're at a loss) [Cute Ass Googlers: thanks for stopping by; read some more of my stuff if you want. There aren't any pictures other than mental ones though, sorry.]

  • A Salvorsan prescription (not for me, it's for a friend)

  • An AH-64D Apache attack helicopter (so I can get to the coffee shop to blog) (my rusted-out Geo Metro is about to give up the ghost)

So there. What? Where was I? Oh yeah - thanks lots and Merry Christmas. Here's hoping your Discover card doesn't suffer embarrassing hiccups at the Boeing plant.

Oops, almost forgot : My size in helicopters is Extra Hellfire Missles. My size in page 46's is whatever size she is.

-- Hulles

5 comments:

Lo said...

I hope that no one else is planning on buying you My Little Pony pencils because I've already raided the Emporium and secured their entire stock.

Excellent entry, by the way- I'm jealous that you have so many avid fans around the globe- and they're so consistent in hos they express their fanhood!

Hulles said...

(For others, the Emporium she mentions is the 9-Year-Old Girl Emporium.)

Lo, thanks lots. I met a lovely young woman this weekend who was about the right age (Lilly, who rocks and is the granddaughter of a friend of mine) and I kept thinking of the Emporium the whole time I was talking to her.

As far as I know, you have the MLP pencils taken. And yeah, I'm pretty lucky with my fans, although I initially thought you said "express their manhood" and I had to reread my post again.

One final note -- Heather Harper might want to be the one to get me the notebooks. I think she has some already because she graduated to multi-subject notebooks. This is why she gets the big bucks and I blog.

La Espia T. said...

I am a big fan of My Little Ponies.

There I said it.

Whew. That felt good.

inkgrrl said...

My first thought on reading this was, "There, there, poor little Hullsie-wullsie."

WTF?

Somebody obviously needs more sparkly pink frosting. And possibly a unicorn beheading.

Hulles said...

T., we all have our dirty little secrets. Don't you feel better now you've come out of the My Little Pony Closet?

inkgrrl, big welcome, I am an avid fan of your blog. Didn't know you hung out in this neck of the woods. Watch out for the blackmoores, they're particularly bad this year.

And yes, I also believe in unicorn beheadings. I try to have one at least once a week whether they need it or not. I especially like it when they beg and plead for their imaginary lives.... What? Where was I? Why did I get out the good guillotine? Oh yeah, unicorns.