First we have a little science piece to get the brain going. From the normally staid pages of Scientific American, an article about the molecular mechanism of cocaine starts out:
Cocaine--a stimulating alkaloid crushed out of the leaves of the coca plant--has been reported to increase euphoria and energy as well as to trigger a mind-killing addiction in humans. The appeal is not limited to our species; rats and other animals given access to the drug will pursue it with a vigor normally reserved for procreation.
I think this is funny because we seem to get a little bit of the reporter's (David Biello's) personality leaking out into the science news. I'll wager dollars to donuts that David's editor put the “has been reported to” in the first sentence to tone down the enthusiasm just a bit. You still sort of get the feeling the reporter is familiar with the subject he's writing about. And I for one plan on using the phrase “with a vigor normally reserved for procreation” at the earliest opportunity.
I finally got rid of the Oxford English Dictionary Word of the Day entirely from my Google home page. For a change, today they had a word I was interested in (don't remember what it was, sorry) so I clicked on the link and got a subscription form telling me that I needed to pay for the privilege. They were already on my shit list for “bootylicious” so that was the last straw. I guess I'll have to remain ignerant and mispel stuff; better that than supporting the New Sleazy Edition of the OED.
Speaking of “bootylicious,” I never did really look it up, in the OED or anywhere else. I just assumed that, since I'm pretty fly for a white guy, I knew what it meant. Maybe I'm wrong and it means “butterfly lips” or something. Regardless, I'm pretty sure the OED definition must refer to La Espia T. at some point.
Among the sadder news bits I have to report, Kat is not really a redhead. Her boyfriend Dave tells me that after running a number of thorough and rather painful clinical tests, he has determined beyond a reasonable doubt that Kat has hair that would be called “mousy brown” on someone less attractive that wasn't looking over his shoulder as he wrote the email. So my apologies for my shoddy reporting – as if. This is supposed to be a funny blog, not a blog where all the things that are said are true and the writer is not ignerant and doesn't mispel stuff. (She must have had a tongue job done is all I can say.)
I just recently heard that Esquire Magazine named Minneapolis' Nye's Polonaise Room the best bar in the world or some such nonsense. I'll have a thing or two to say about that in this blog shortly, you can bet your beer gut.
Finally, tighten up your netsuke straps and grab your omijukis: I have another one of my blog entries appearing in the next Avenues, due out on the 17th. I sold it for (a small amount of) real American money, the suckers. (You wondered why I had that on the sidebar; well now you know.) This is a local St. Paul publication, so you won't be able to get it anywhere else, unless for some reason you decide to clean your birdcage in the MSP airport while flying somewhere warmer. I'm not sure why you'd want to, anyway -- if you care to read the original piece, it's here, so you don't have to go out into the cold for my sake. Unless of course you want to support Avenues and at the same time see how the editors emasculate Hulles, in which case head with a vigor normally reserved for procreation to a St. Paul newstand near you on the 17th.
Emasculate Hulles, did I say? Ouch. Big ouch. Anyway, it makes me happy and proud -- the article, of course, not the emasculation. The emasculation just makes me talk in a high voice until they grow back. They do grow back, don't they?