Ungrateful Broad Demands Cash

Well, friends, this one's going to be another mishmash of items, mostly because I'm too stupid to put together a thematic entry today. The temperature is in the 70's, which is unheard of for Minnesota in November. I don't even know how this relates to anything except that it seems relevant somehow to something, and should serve as an excuse for me being logy this afternoon.

Item: The Hulles Most Beautiful Mouth Award goes again this year to Milla Jovovich. That's all. I have just been thinking about how lovely Milla's mouth is, and I wanted an excuse to include a photo of her. If you don't know Milla she is an actress you may have seen in The Fifth Element, the Resident Evil movies, or the Messenger. And I have no idea why I've been thinking about her mouth recently. But damn.

Item: The Animal Planet has recently purchased the rights to the Vinegar Eels piece I did. They plan to make an hour-long television documentary of it with yours truly as the host. Just kidding, of course, but they should. I could be the next Steve Irwin, but I would stalk only really small, safe things.

Item: Today I woke up exactly the opposite of Gregor Samza: I found out that I had metamorphosed into a human being. I was and am pretty excited about it; this bodes well for the coming year. You try getting work as a cockroach.

Item: This is the funniest 30 second video I have ever seen and it's a beer commercial, God help me. You're welcome for me not including the video itself in my blog so you could spend 40 minutes waiting for this page to load.

Item: I invented something the other night when I was regaling friends with stories for hours on end: a baseball cap that has a built-in flashing APPLAUSE sign that you can turn on and off at the appropriate moment. Some people just need to be told, is all.

Item: A while back I misread a newspaper headline as “Ungrateful Broad Demands Cash.” No shit, I thought to myself at the time, but I never expected to see it in newsprint. It turned out I had misread a Dear Abby headline, “Ungrateful Bride Demands Cash.” I like mine better.

Item: A while back I received the Victoria's Secret Fall Catalog, and found myself talking to it. “What the hell is a Bouclé sweater?” I asked it. “What the hell is the Christie Fit?” I received no response from the catalog itself, of course, so to me these remain small mysteries that no doubt only women are meant to understand. And BTW, if I had known there were boots in the Victoria's Secret catalog I would have subscribed a long time ago, you better believe. FMBs rule.

So that's a wrap. Sorry for the absence of hard-hitting exposes and earth-shattering revelations, but the old postmodern humor bin is down to seeds and stems today (to mix metaphors – I don't really store pot in my humor bin). But there's always tomorrow.

-- Hulles