Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I was remiss in my earlier post about N_____ and the Substandard Dork. I forgot to mention that:

  • She had a cute ass.

This is important, I learned recently. (Besides, she did have a cute ass, I just forgot to list it.) I took a page from Kat and looked at what people type into search engines that land them in Hulles territory. Funny thing. In my posts where I talk about cocktail waitresses, and there are many, I got a bunch of hits from just using the phrase “cute ass.”

So isn’t that curious? I have to confess it’s totally beyond me why you would google “cute ass.” Do you expect to find pictures of cute asses? How do you know that what you think is a cute ass is what someone else thinks is a cute ass? I’ve known some women who think they have a cute ass who, if they were to post pictures on the Internet and your monitor was large enough to display them, would blind you instantly if not actually kill you.

Perhaps, like Perseus, the searchers don’t look directly at the computer screen as they follow a particularly enticing cute ass link. They probably have a specialized mirror contraption that was developed for this very purpose, after the less-creative cute ass googlers were turned to stone and removed from the gene pool in some bizarre Darwinian selection process.

Maybe they expect to find people blogging about cute asses. I can do that. I do do that. I have a funny feeling that maybe my stuff isn’t what they have in mind, however. I rather suspect that they are looking for something a little racier, as in “Letters to Penthouse:”

Like, I was in this crowded elevator, and this totally hot chick with a cute ass, a complete stranger, is standing in front of me, and she like unzips me and hikes up her miniskirt and I totally did her right there on the elevator before we even got to the twentieth floor! And none of the suits on the elevator even knew!

Must have been some great sex. What am I talking about? I just made it up, of course it was great sex.

Ultimately I suppose it doesn’t really matter why people google “cute asses.” All that matters is that they come to Poppa. So welcome to Hulles, you wackos. Come for the porn, stay for the sardonic postmodern humor and dessert recipes.

The rest of you can expect to see a lot more posts about cocktail waitresses.

-- Hulles


Anonymous said...

You totally crack me up, Hulles!


J said...

hilarious post, as usual :)

Hulles said...

Io, Galaxy! Hey, everyone, this is my pal Galaxy Moonbeam. GMB, good to hear from you. Say hi to Mr. Moonbeam and all the little Beamettes for me. Kisses back at you.

J, thanks for stopping by and for the link. Backatcha. Although having a single really thin letter for your handle made me click all over the place until I finally hit it. Took about 5 minutes. I swear it was moving....