Trouble in Taco Town

The other day I found a crumpled BevNap in my pocket that said “6/25 – Taco Flavored Kisses.”

First, you should know that BevNaps are my friends. In case you don’t know what BevNaps are, they are white cocktail napkins made by Acclaim, a division of Georgia Pacific. I have a plethora of uses for BevNaps – as facial tissue, as toilet paper, as stationery and even, sometimes, to put cocktails on. I always hope that the ones that I find in my pocket were used as stationery. I use BevNaps to write notes to myself so often that, geek that I am, I wrote a computer program to store their contents for later reference. I called this program “Bevnapster”, cleverly enough. (You should know that I can read the thought balloon above your head right now that says “Dork,” and I’m very offended.)

I have no idea what Taco Flavored Kisses are. This BevNap was salvaged after a cocktail too many at some bar, and I can’t even remember who said it, let alone what it pertained to. I’m pretty sure a woman said it, though. The “6/25” part is easy – that’s the date it was said. I record this stuff on my personal calendar, so that next June 25^th I’ll see that it’s “Taco Flavored Kisses Day (2006)” and wonder what the hell it means all over again. (I see that thought balloon again, dammit.) That, by the way, is how I know that this weekend is Socktoberfest.

The first idea that occurs to me regarding TFKs is the obvious one – kissing someone after hitting Taco Bell. Hopefully this wasn’t a complaint, since I have been guilty of this myself, both as the kisser and the kissee. I don’t think this kind of TFK is so bad, myself, but then I routinely do things that would make many Lutherans faint.

The next idea I have is a little more risqué. Apropos of this, Bette Midler achieved infamy with her joke, “if God hadn’t wanted man to eat pussy, he wouldn’t have made it look like a taco.” So if that’s the taco flavor we’re talking about, and it was said by a woman, it sounds like bitching about the results of oral sex, which strikes me as a little ungrateful to say the least. Assuming that it was her taco, of course. I have been guilty of this one, too, but fortunately only as the kisser.

I’m going with the second idea, I think. It reminds me of something I heard once, “sex is only dirty if you do it right.” Amen, sister.

Before we leave tacos, you’ll be happy to know that Lindsay Lohan has been dating Harry Morton, albeit as her third choice after Johnny Depp and Ashton Kutcher. What does this have to do with tacos, you ask? Harry Morton is the president and CEO of “The Pink Taco” chain of Mexican restaurants. It seems that Harry got into a little bit of trouble in Scottsdale, Arizona when he tried to open a restaurant there. Some people evidentally found the name offensive. Quoting the Wikipedia entry:

“This generated a complaint from Mayor Mary Manross who said she was offended, although she did not see the name in a sexual way until the complaints were raised.”

Poor Ms. Manross, is what I’m thinking. She’s probably someone who would bitch about a TFK (Definition 2), if she was lucky enough to get one.

- Hulles