Recently I was at a point worse than some others, where I had only rice to eat. This had been true for several days, and I was thoroughly tired of eating nothing else. Under these conditions, I find that I am constantly walking to the pantry, looking in it, finding nothing I can eat, walking to the refrigerator, finding nothing to eat, then walking back to the couch. I was performing this circuit for about the 20th time, delaying the moment when I put yet another pot of rice on the stove, when I spotted a bottle of bacon ranch salad dressing in the refrigerator. There was about an inch of dressing left in the bottom of the bottle. I had been ignoring it -- in fact not seeing it -- because of course I had no salad on which to put it. This time, however, I said to myself, “Hmm. I wonder what it would taste like if I mixed this dressing in with the rice.” So I went for it, bearing in mind that the price for making something inedible was that I would have ruined one cup of rice, and I only had a cup and a half left.
So I made the rice. As it was resting, I got out the bottle of bacon ranch dressing and opened it and sniffed it, just to make sure it was still good. Not that I would know what bad ranch dressing would smell like, but some things you just do. Anyway, I had to laugh at myself at that point: I was quite literally salivating at the thought of eating bacon ranch rice! I mixed the dressing with the rice, and checked it out. It was really beige, and looked sort of like gooey oatmeal. It desperately needed some color, but I had nothing to add to it, so I ate it beige. Believe me when I tell you that I savored that dish as I have savored few others in my life. I’m salivating again as I write this just remembering how good it was to me. Would I make it again? Who can say? But it was certainly memorable in its time.