Thursday, March 15, 2007

Poor Hulles.

Last night turned out somewhat differently than I thought it would as the day dawned. But I am nothing if not resilient. I ended up being pretty okay with dancing the Safety Dance for my cat and writing enough notes for 300 more blog entries. Lucky you. If I type really fast I can achieve the Hulles Triceratennial in one out of the two months in Minnesota that are warm and we can all get together and party down and you can go back to wherever you came from saying, "Dang! Hulles was a lot cuter in my imagination! Maybe the [husband/boyfriend/paperboy] isn't so bad after all!" This is a service I like to provide to all of my readers that meet me in person.

But I'm really excited about the notes for the additional 300 blog entries. I was getting down to notes for 80 posts or so and frankly starting to become concerned: "Ohmigod! What if I dry up and start writing about how cute my cat is and people quit reading me and I end up with two readers (who, by the way, will be Cristina and Anne, God bless them both) and everyone realizes how much I suck and they have a huge party of all the people who used to read me and they all get hammered and talk about how much I suck and sleep with each other and mock me even worse than I can possibly imagine in this paragraph?" [As I wrote that last sentence I was laughing to myself: it would be worth it if even one of you described that party accurately in a blog post as long as you also posted pictures. - The Management]

But not to worry. I am resupplied. And if any of you are feeling like you don't know what to write about in your blogs (like, for example, Terri Schaefer) come to Saint Paul and sit alone in an establishment of my choosing for two hours with a pen and a Ladonian passport that has a lot of white space and see if you are not replenished as well. And if you're not, you can write about how much I suck in person for at at least a blog post or two and get that much mileage out of it so the trip won't be a total loss.

I know, I know, I'm betraying just a teensy bit of self-doubt in this entry [insert some emoticon here if you can figure out how everyone seems to be able to type when their laptop is sideways] but I still think I'm hilariously funny and besides I have my cat and a readership that I adore -- right up to the moment they have the party I described above. And who knows, just maybe when you're at that party you'll decide I'm not so bad after all. "Jeez! Maybe Hulles really is a decent writer and an okay guy and he isn't a loser after all! ..... Nah, he sucks, toss me another Miller Lite and let's get naked!"

I hate you.

-- Hulles

15 comments:

LaCosta (Lollie) said...

Hey now! I just finished writing about how cute my cat is. Now I'm the loser. I'm going back to my blog and erasing it...

LaCosta (Lollie) said...

HA! My last word verification was "allbs," which my last comment was. But now I really am going to go to my blog and write about the Mankmonster.

This word verification? ZODUT!

Hulles said...

Lollie, re cat posts: on you it looks good. Zodut!

Eva Gale said...

*gently places down bottle of scotch and backs away*

Jen said...

Huh...I guess I'm speechless. Ouch.

Sassmaster said...

Dangerous mood swings ... I love it!

Hulles said...

Eva: grrrr... kidding, just kidding, good to see you.

Jen: Good to see as well of course, and I was a little blue but I'm over it. All looks rosy again. grrrr....

Sassmaster: did you think dangerous mood swings the exclusive province of PMS girls? Hah. grrrr...

Missy said...

Good! You've got plenty of ideas to spare. I'm still wanting you to do a guest post on my blog.

Hulles said...

Missy, okey dokey. grrrr...

Kristen Painter said...

"I hate you."

Well, that's a lovely thing to wake up to, isn't it?

Good thing I still have my cats.

Hulles said...

Kristen, I know. I had a little mini-agony about ending with that but I had to, this whiny piece required it.

Of course I love my readers, including you. In fact, I hate you about as much as you resemble an ugly 400-lb. male truck driver. Which is to say, not very damn much. So, Ms. Painter, I beg your pardon.

And I like it that you wake up to me....

Cristina Cordova said...

I'll be at the party with bells on.. and a glendronnach in hand — toasting you with a little self-loathing myself. ;-)

Hulles said...

But Cristina dear, which party? The Triceratennial Party or the party that everyone has without me to talk about how much I suck and sleep with each other? Or both?

anne frasier said...

performance anxiety

Hulles said...

Anne, yeah.