Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Item: The colonoscopy went just fine; thanks to those of you who wished me well. It was actually pretty interesting. I got to watch the whole thing on a TV monitor in real-time. I suffered a little discomfort and in a couple instances some pain, but the drugs were there for me just as they were in the 70's and it was all fine. My stark terror was for naught. And even better news: I did not become enamored of the procedure as I had feared. My nurse Gwen said that there were people who enjoyed the experience excessively, but she would say no more on the subject.

I didn't get a copy of the video because they don't make a video, but I did get pictures. Funny thing, though, no one I asked yesterday really wanted to see them. I found this odd. Maybe it's just because it's my colon and I'm being excessively proud of it.

My plan of writing the following phrase on my ass in indelible marker didn't really pay off, unfortunately:

If you're a cute female nurse, this ass could be yours! Call 7xx-9xx-8xxx and ask for Hulles!

I was sad that it didn't work. It was a lot of work spelling everything backwards in the mirror.

Item: My Brazilification continues. I'm learning more Portuguese, and Casti continues to send me links to Brazilian love songs, like this YouTube video: Marina Lima singing "Pessoa." It is a haunting and expressive tune and I love it. Thanks, Casti, you are the best (você é o mais melhor!).

Item: Just for the record, I made some grammatical fixes to my "Albert And Me And Baby Makes Three" post, and changed the title to the one here (from "Albert And I And..."). I guess my sleep deprivation really did take its toll.

Item: More movie appearances! Yippee! I'm a star! Well, okay, maybe not, but I still think I can give Anthony Hopkins a run for his money for sheer creepiness. If you're Dino De Laurentiis and are looking for the next Hannibal Lector, look no further. If you're interested at all, the two new Chasing Windmills episodes in which I exhibit my method-acting skills are "flight" and "run". In the former, yours truly imitates a meerkat and peeps around a corner. In the latter, you get to see a new acting talent of mine: smoking a cigarette. I actually interviewed twenty or thirty smokers to determine their motivation for this behavior and spent two weeks living among the savage smokers of Minnesota (an endangered culture!) to prepare for this role. It shows, and I hope to win a "Best Cameo by an Evil Stepdad" award at the next Vloggies awards ceremony.

Thanks once again to Cristina and Jadelr for the opportunity to participate in the CW process. I laughed so hard it hurt the last time we filmed. And just as a teaser, be aware that I think I may actually have a speaking part in the next CW episode in which I appear! Gasp! Also, CW is wrapping up the season right now and resolving mysteries left and right. It's all very exciting. I even finally got to find out why I was stalking Steve. Check the newest episodes out if you haven't done so already.

Item: I was privileged to meet my friend Erin's mother and sister last week. I heard this memorable remark from Lindsey, Erin's sister, describing her physical appearance compared to Erin's: "People don't believe how much alike we don't look!" I am going to cherish that phrase forever.

Item: Scott Schwister recently posted an incisive commentary in his articulate blog Higher Edison on societal changes in the Internet age that is very much worth reading. Oh, and by the way he says nice things about my writing in it.... Thanks, Scott.

-- Hulles


cK said...

I regret not taking home a sonogram photo from my testicular cancer exam. So I think I would peep at your colon (on film--no immediate demonstration required).

As for Chasing Windmills, well done. You're a star, baby!

Merlin said...


In order to facilitate your speedy recovery I am arranging a short holiday for you (about 6 months) in Afghanistan. Your one-way air tickets will be in the post shortly.

While you're away having fun I will be only too happy to take up your kind offer of taking care of Kristen Painter.

Don't worry about a thing : I can assure you that she'll be well looked after.

Best Wishes,


LaCosta (Lollie) said...

We're still waiting for my Mom's chemo port. They had to clean it and stuff, but they did say we could have it. My brother wants to make it into a Christmas ornament.

jax said...

Can't wait for the day when I get a colonoscopy.. LOL

Glad you made it out okay! I would have been totally upset if my "witty" Hulles was laid up.

That reminds me..I have a mammogram I need to set up. I've been putting it off. Yes, I know, I'll go.

Hulles said...

cK, I'll carry the photos around to show you, I hope you like them as much as I do.

Merlin, hey, thanks! I've always wanted to visit Kabul. And it's nice that you're willing to accept such an onerous duty; be sure and take good care of her. I'll miss her.

Lollie, I think the Christmas ornament idea is great. I wanted to make my kidney stone into an earring, but I lost it.

Jax, thanks lots. And I hope that your breasts are not unintelligent, just as someone else's are not. Good luck on the mammogram.

LaCosta (Lollie) said...

Hulles! Write a conversation between Jax's boobs! (I wonder if they're inteigent...)

s4xton said...

Oh... so you're the evil stepdad.... !

Hulles said...

s4xton, I'm Cristina's evil (ex-)stepdad, not the CW character's evil stepdad (that I know about anyway), if that's what you meant. In CW I am a simple minion of an international conspiracy and nothing more. I think.

LaCosta (Lollie) said...

New photo - this you peeking around the CW corner?

Hulles said...

Lollie, the photo is from the bookstore in the first CW episode I was in. And thanks.