Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Especially those of you that are women. Guys, head on over to L. A. Noir. Stephen Blackmoore, Adjutant Curmudgeon around these parts, pretty much speaks for all of us I think.

But really, Valentine's Day has always been a big deal to me. Once I gave my girlfriend at the time a trip to Saint Maarten, which was a spectacular trip and earned me big boyfriend points. This is when I got my thong swimsuit. [Warning: do not follow this link if you are pregnant or have a history of hypertension. - The Management] I bring this up now in the admittedly faint hope that her husband reads this.

I really hope all of you have fun tonight going out to your candlelight dinners with your Special Units, toasting each other with your impertinent yet dusky Shiraz's, kissing over the chocolate raspberry cake and Moët & Chandon, snuggling in the car on the way home, and [sniff]

No, no, I'm fine. It's just a bit of a cold I caught recently. As I was saying, I really hope you all have a magical evening tonight.

In honor of Valentine's Day I got all of you that are so special to me a present. Well, sort of. It's a link to a YouTube video of O Mio Babbino Caro. I've written before about what this song means to me. The video is some chick (Maria Callas) singing to her daddy that if he doesn't like her boyfriend she's going to do a swan dive off of a bridge into the Arno river. Just the thing for a romantic Valentine's Day with your dork boyfriend. I'll be home singing it to my cat. Oh and by the way, the video ends with a screen that says Maria Callas died in Paris in September of 1977. Ignore that part, it might be sort of a buzzkill on a special day like today.

But I'll be fine, really. I have lots to do tonight to keep me busy -- honing my nail file, enfooding my cat, staring out the window at nothing, sighing lugubriously... I won't even have time to wish I had someone special in my life so don't worry.

Hopefully you will not even give me a second thought as you're unwrapping your bright scarlet negligee and modeling it for that asshole that was never good enough for you, I can't believe you're even in the same state as he is, let alone the same house....

Anyway, have a wonderful Valentine's Day all of you from the Hulles blog in general and me in particular. I have to go now and wipe my eyes. I seem to have suddenly developed a severe allergy to being alone....

[In the distance we hear the mournful mating call of the Arctic Curmudgeon echoing in the frozen wastes. Fade to black.]

-- Hulles

And P.S. I'm totally kidding. Have a wonderful V-Day, really. I love you all to an excessive degree that should make you squirm slightly. Unless you're a guy, in which case I just like you a lot and would maybe let you buy me a beer if I ever met you.


Kristen Painter said...

It's good to know you have a cat. Makes you that much more likeable. Hugging your cat is good for two points, in case you were wondering.

LaCosta (Lollie) said...

Poor, poor Hulles. Happy VD pal. I'm going to open a bud in my hotel room tonight and watch some porn. Happy VD to me too. Wah.

Hulles said...

Kristen, hah. I'm a curmudgeon. Ask anyone. I will collect on the cat points, though.

And Lollie, I thought the post would be funny, I hope it is, because I'm really a pretty effervescent guy today. A little cynical, but efferfescent. So Happy VDay back at you. I'm jealous of the bud though. And do check out L.A. Noir if you didn't. I like Blackmoore's stuff in general and today in particular. XO.

anne frasier said...

happy valentine's day, hulles!

i'm pretty much in stephen's camp when it comes to valentine's day, but your post got a smile out of this bitter hag.

Cristina Cordova said...

Happy V-DAY, Hulles! Love you lots.

cK said...

One Valentine's Day in college my buddy Matt wanted to go out but my roommates Jake and Brent were entirely against the idea. "Not without girlfriends," they said. "All right," I said. "Let's go." So we went to the movies. We were two of six people in the theater for Sense and Sensebility.

This was in southern Illinois. It drew many looks but was a blast.

Not as much fun as when I'd visit friends at the city's gay bar--a number of friends would grab me and say, "Wait a minute! What are YOU doing here?", one of those eyebrowing wagging moments--but fun nonetheless.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Years ago, a couple of girlfriends of mine and I went to the shooting range for Valentine's Day. We made cupid targets and spent the evening blowing .357 holes through the fucking cherub's head.

Nothing says bitter, angry breakup like the smell of cordite.

Anonymous said...

I'm a day late, but Happy Belated Valentine's Day, anyway. I was too busy last night to read, because I was making out with my imaginary boyfriend, Chachi! Actually, Theresa and I had a glass of some leftover wine from Saturday's dinner. I played some Sade and also sang to the Kitty. I wish it was Maria Callas, though. I am also a huge fan of that song. Once, I had to call crazy amounts of people in Fort Smith, Arkansas to try to find a copy of that song for my grandmother, who, for some reason needed to hear it ASAP. I wasn't able to find it in Fort Smith, so I had to find it here and mail it to her. She was VERY glad to get it.

So, I hope you had a good day, and I guess you can always say that Sol was your Valentine - you saw him yesterday, no?


Hulles said...

Dear bitter hag, Happy Valentine's Day a day late. Glad I could make you smile.

Cristina, Happy VDay to you as well. I love you lots too, and I hope to be able to see you soon. And I keep forgetting to tell you I really liked "Blue Dream." I'm behind on the others.

cK, the same thing used to happen to me when I went to local lesbian bars -- what are doing here? It ended up being a little strange because I kept running into people who worked for me who weren't out. The best part about the bars was always that I didn't have to dance with anyone.

SB, "Nothing says bitter, angry breakup like the smell of cordite." Amen brother.

Erin, belated VDay back at you. Yeah, I did see Sol and even Unca Don, which is why I was whisked away from my posting. Good to see Don, been a while. Glad you and Chachi had a nice time. My day ended up being okay, in spite of my post.

Anonymous said...

I am super bored at work today. It is very slow, so I decided to read "Thong of the South" - the piece you wrote in Oct '06. I was laughing out loud. That piece is hillarious! I like the fact that it took place at Don's former apartment - it provides a contextual familiarity.


Anonymous said...

Wait, perhaps "contextual familiarity" was not the right way to say it - I just meant that I know Don but not in that context...

Brain is frying from lack of use!


Hulles said...

Thanks lots, Erin. I'm sorry you are bored at work. Read lots more of my stuff! I like it when you do. And yeah, Unca Don can be a character sometimes. Not me though.

Thinking about your frying brain is making me hungry. Sweetbreads! Except that I would saute them rather than fry them. I sound like Hannibal Lector. Yikes.

Anonymous said...

Hulles, aqui no Brasil, seria o dia dos namorados comemorado em 12 de Junho.

Louco isso!

Bj do Brasil,

SuperBee said...

You made me bust out laughing with "I have to go now and wipe my eyes. I seem to have suddenly developed a severe allergy to being alone"

Not only was it a funny line, but I find others' pain immensely entertaining. Oft, I can be found sitting in the last row of chairs in funeral homes giggling madly and uproariously into a crumpled handkerchief, until I develop a coughing fit and have to run out... usually knocking over the guestbook podium along the way... Tee hee!

Anyway, I hope you had a quiet evening of pussy stroking. Today I'm going to make it a quiet evening of lamenting the fact that all the boys that are drooling over me either live in England or Las Vegas... so I'll comfort myself in the loving arms of four or five boxes of cheap day-old chocolate!

Hulles said...

Eu sou louco? Você aposta seus piranhas que eu sou.

I hope "you bet your piranhas" translates okay into Portuguese. XO.

Hulles said...

superbee, the comment in Portuguese was for Casti if you're a bit puzzled. Sounds like an okay evening for you last night. Chocolate has to love you, it's the rule. And England or Vegas, eh? Mine's in Sao Paolo, I win. Not that Casti is exactly drooling for me, "tolerates my blogs and emails" is probably a better description. Okay, add "so far" to the "tolerates..." phrase and we're getting closer. Thanks for dropping by.

Heather Harper said...

Happy Belated Valentine's Day, Hulles!


teiadepalavras said...

Hulles, "louco isso", significa a admiração pela diferença de datas, não estou afirmando que você é crazy. Realmente esse tradutor google é que nos deixa crazy!

Bom dia!

Hulles said...

Thanks, Heather, lots and lots. XO's back.

Casti, you are right, the translator is what drives us crazy. Mas sou imóvel louco! Para você, naturalmente.

Beijos do MN.