Hints from Hulles: Hose On First

Guys, don’t throw those panty hose away just because they have runs! Here are a couple tips for reusing and recycling old panty hose:

· Cut the control tops off of the panty hose (yes, you do too need control tops) and use the resulting industrial-strength loops for neck tourniquets when you cut yourself shaving.

· Cut the good leg off the panty hose and stick those little bits of leftover soap you accumulate into the foot. In no time at all, you’ll be able to swing it around your head and use it to beat the shit out of your upstairs neighbor for playing his music too loud, without leaving telltale marks.

· Take the old pair of panty hose and throw it over the shower rod the next time you have a poker party at your house. All your friends will think you’re straight and actually had a woman over recently.[1]

· Cut a foot off the panty hose and place it over the end of your vacuum cleaner hose. Use this to vacuum your bathroom floor. All the pubic hair will be trapped on the surface of the nylon. You can then use this hair to make little wigs for your sock puppets. (Bonus Hint! Rubber cement works best to glue the hair on.)

See? You can save big money by taking a few minutes to reuse those household items you would otherwise just throw out.

- Hulles

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[1] As if you had parties. As if you had friends.