Thursday, January 18, 2007

Item: As I mentioned, I recently visited my little brother Leo in Iowa who is nearly as creepy as I am. What I didn't mention is that he has terminal cancer. Of course the reason I didn't mention it is that it's a pretty personal thing. But I think it's time to out him: I consider Leo to be inexcusably rude for having cancer. I think the jerk is just doing it for the attention, just like he always did as we were growing up. Once again, he's only thinking of himself. Doesn't he realize how much this disrupts my life? Does he think I can just drop everything and drive down to Iowa on a whim? What about my blog audience (both of you)? No, he has to be completely selfish and milk suffering and dying for all its worth. He could at least be a little more considerate and wait until I have nothing better to do than linger around our small Iowa town while he grows tumors the way a yard grows dandelions. But no, not my little brother. It's always about him.

And so what if his fiancée dumped his ass and moved back home? I've found fiancées are overrated anyway, let alone wives. With Leo, it's always something. If it isn't terminal cancer, it's women. What happened to the stoic “suffer in silence” shit we were brought up with? Apparently it just rolled off my brother like water off a duck's back. He actually even brought up the fact that the woman left him, which is just not done around our place. Oh well, I suppose I can cut him a little slack because he didn't really say much about it other than that it happened. Otherwise we'd call that complaining.

At least he's looking pretty good. Better than his older brother, in fact. He's still fat and sassy, particularly for someone who was given six months to live a year and a half ago. He's not the prodigious drinker and partier that he was, but hey, who is these days? Anyway, if you have any spare good thoughts, please send them to Leo. Maybe that way he'll quit whining about this dying shit1.

Item: On a more whimsical note (and sorry about killing your buzz with the first item), I did some more “acting” for Chasing Windmills this week, this time in a Minneapolis skyway. If you care, the episodes I've been in so far that I know about (filmed prior to this week) are Microsofty and Tailed Transaction. You know, as I've watched these episodes, even I think I'm creepy. It's sort of disturbing. I have to keep telling myself, “I'm not really a stalker. I just play one on TV.” I can only imagine what a viewer who doesn't know me thinks -- probably that I make Anthony Perkins in “Psycho” look like a Boy Scout. Anyway, all of this is great fun and I really enjoy doing it; it's completely bizarre and funny. Thanks yet again for the opportunity, Cristina and Jadelr.

Item: My laptop Lucille finally retired last week. Lucille II is younger, faster, thinner, and better looking. So it goes; I draw no conclusions here. The original Lucille does have a place of honor in my home office, however, and still occasionally goes out golfing with a couple other aging notebook computers during the week. She's thinking about buying a laptop case in a computer compound in Tempe, Arizona, hoping that the warmer drier climate will improve her CPU speed and allow Microsoft products to actually run on her for a couple more years. I personally think she's dreaming, but I don't tell her that. Whatever, another couple days and I will have forgotten she even existed.

Item: Thanks to Anne Frasier for reminding me about Naked Wednesdays. Good lord, it's getting bad when someone has to remind you of your own holidays. Fortunately I was able to doff my clothes at the redundantly-named Nina's Coffee Cafe just in the nick of time yesterday. However, as I mentioned to Anne, I should have warned the parents with young children first. Now the both the little girls and the little boys that were present will grow up with unrealistic expectations of adult males.

Item: Somebody stuck their finger up my ass today. Luckily for all concerned, it was my doctor. Girls, you don't know what you're missing. More good news is that I still have a prostate. Whew. I'd hate to have to rummage around my cluttered office trying to find that.

Das ist Alles.

-- Hulles

1Actually, Leo has somehow been able to maintain a really good attitude through all this. Better than I would be able to do, without a doubt. The man has amazing courage, but you didn't hear it from me.


the bleak midwest said...

hulles, please tell leo to work really hard at being an asshole, because it's been my experience that assholes never die.

really sorry to hear about his cancer and i'll keep him in my thoughts.

i loved the new chasing windmills episode. laughed out loud at the wig. i love how the whole series really captures the unique feel of the twin cities.

anne frasier

the bleak midwest said...

new blogger is being an ass and wouldn't let me post under any blog name other than my fakest of fakes.


Hulles said...

Funny, I had already been to the site and new it was you. Nice ass at twelve, by the way (your pic is what I'm talking about, fyi). Yeah, Chasing Windmills is great. I'm happy I finally have a laptop I can watch it on.

the bleak midwest said...

that's my kid's ass! :D i should probably put up my own pic, but i needed someone younger.

Missy said...

Neuigkeiten! You did well my friend. ;)

I'm saddened by the news of your brother but you seem to be handling it well; I hope he is also. It's difficult to watch a loved on suffer, even if he is creepy. Just because a disease can destroy the human body doesn't mean we should let it destroy the human spirit.

Hugs to the Creepy Brothers — you're both in my thoughts and prayers.

P.S. I did my Thursday Thirteen on German Verbs. You can see it here.

Lo said...

I can't wait until the people who google "ass fingers" start speaking up in the comments.

Sending love to both you and Leo- I'll pray in that odd way that we heathens do. xox

Anonymous said...

Hulles, no que se refere ao seu irmão,toda a perda tem um ganho, mesmo que não encotre a resposta no momento certo. As pessoas se vão, contudo a essencia delas é que fica e importa. Perdi meu pai com cancer e ele me disse que a lembrança seria salgada e depois doce. Salgada por ser difícl de entender e depois doce pelas boas coisas que vivenciamos juntos... Quanto a sua nova companheira digital(Lucille), use e abuse dos recursos para que ela lhe sirva da melhor forma possível ao perseguir os seus moinhos de vento e certamente outras coisas que surgirão nessa sua fase profissiona.

Bj do Brasil


Heather Harper said...

Hulles, I'm so sorry about your brother. (Your breakin' my heart, but under the circumstances that is perfectly acceptable.)

My most sincere and peaceful thoughts to you and your brother.

If it makes you feel any better, I reposted The Littlest Werehamster on blogspot.

Hulles said...

Anne, sorry about the ass comment re your kid. Oops. I take it back, she really doesn't have a very cute ass at all.

Thanks lots Missy. I always need hugs, and I can only imagine that Leo does too. The Creepy Brothers are in your debt.

Lo, like you I can't wait for the ass finger googlers to make their presence known. Thanks for the lovin', and your heathen ways are appreciated around these parts.

Casti, thanks for the wishes. I like what your father said a lot. And Lucille II is rocking my world.

Heather, thanks for your thoughts. And it does make me feel better to know Jimmy made the transition with you. Which reminds me, I have to change your link on my blog. XOXO.

La Espia T. said...

You both will be in my prayers in all the languages I can speak....God ought to hear me in por lo menos one of them.


Hulles said...

Thanks lots, T. Hugs to you (and A.) too.