Revenge of the Neuigkeiten

Item: As I mentioned, I recently visited my little brother Leo in Iowa who is nearly as creepy as I am. What I didn't mention is that he has terminal cancer. Of course the reason I didn't mention it is that it's a pretty personal thing. But I think it's time to out him: I consider Leo to be inexcusably rude for having cancer. I think the jerk is just doing it for the attention, just like he always did as we were growing up. Once again, he's only thinking of himself. Doesn't he realize how much this disrupts my life? Does he think I can just drop everything and drive down to Iowa on a whim? What about my blog audience (both of you)? No, he has to be completely selfish and milk suffering and dying for all its worth. He could at least be a little more considerate and wait until I have nothing better to do than linger around our small Iowa town while he grows tumors the way a yard grows dandelions. But no, not my little brother. It's always about him.

And so what if his fiancée dumped his ass and moved back home? I've found fiancées are overrated anyway, let alone wives. With Leo, it's always something. If it isn't terminal cancer, it's women. What happened to the stoic “suffer in silence” shit we were brought up with? Apparently it just rolled off my brother like water off a duck's back. He actually even brought up the fact that the woman left him, which is just not done around our place. Oh well, I suppose I can cut him a little slack because he didn't really say much about it other than that it happened. Otherwise we'd call that complaining.

At least he's looking pretty good. Better than his older brother, in fact. He's still fat and sassy, particularly for someone who was given six months to live a year and a half ago. He's not the prodigious drinker and partier that he was, but hey, who is these days? Anyway, if you have any spare good thoughts, please send them to Leo. Maybe that way he'll quit whining about this dying shit¹.

Item: On a more whimsical note (and sorry about killing your buzz with the first item), I did some more “acting” for Chasing Windmills this week, this time in a Minneapolis skyway. If you care, the episodes I've been in so far that I know about (filmed prior to this week) are Microsofty and Tailed Transaction. You know, as I've watched these episodes, even I think I'm creepy. It's sort of disturbing. I have to keep telling myself, “I'm not really a stalker. I just play one on TV.” I can only imagine what a viewer who doesn't know me thinks -- probably that I make Anthony Perkins in “Psycho” look like a Boy Scout. Anyway, all of this is great fun and I really enjoy doing it; it's completely bizarre and funny. Thanks yet again for the opportunity, Cristina and Jadelr.

Item: My laptop Lucille finally retired last week. Lucille II is younger, faster, thinner, and better looking. So it goes; I draw no conclusions here. The original Lucille does have a place of honor in my home office, however, and still occasionally goes out golfing with a couple other aging notebook computers during the week. She's thinking about buying a laptop case in a computer compound in Tempe, Arizona, hoping that the warmer drier climate will improve her CPU speed and allow Microsoft products to actually run on her for a couple more years. I personally think she's dreaming, but I don't tell her that. Whatever, another couple days and I will have forgotten she even existed.

Item: Thanks to Anne Frasier for reminding me about Naked Wednesdays. Good lord, it's getting bad when someone has to remind you of your own holidays. Fortunately I was able to doff my clothes at the redundantly-named Nina's Coffee Cafe just in the nick of time yesterday. However, as I mentioned to Anne, I should have warned the parents with young children first. Now the both the little girls and the little boys that were present will grow up with unrealistic expectations of adult males.

Item: Somebody stuck their finger up my ass today. Luckily for all concerned, it was my doctor. Girls, you don't know what you're missing. More good news is that I still have a prostate. Whew. I'd hate to have to rummage around my cluttered office trying to find that.

Das ist Alles.

-- Hulles

1Actually, Leo has somehow been able to maintain a really good attitude through all this. Better than I would be able to do, without a doubt. The man has amazing courage, but you didn't hear it from me.