Happy Holidays

Since I'm a little rusty at this hole righting thing, I thought I'd post an easy one and address the upcoming holidays. Not your holidays -- Christmas and the various faux-Christmases -- but Hulles holidays.

Since the '80's I've kept a calendar of my own personal holidays. If on a given day something is continually running through my head I might name the day (or night) after the event. For example, recently I added a new holiday to the Hulles calendar: Cziltang Brone Day, 20 November. Don't ask, google it if you must (not sure what you'll find). Anyway, as you can imagine after twenty years of doing this I have a lot of personal holidays. Hell, no wonder I have so much trouble working for the clampdown. I only have a few days a year that aren't holidays.

Today, the 5th of December, happens to be Magnetic Dog Sisters Day.


To explain this one, first you need to know what magnetic dogs are (since you're a relative infant compared to me unless you're Merlin). Back in the day, Japan was just rebuilding their consumer manufacturing and the local dime stores were flooded with cheap little plastic and tin toys with the stamp "Made in Japan" on the bottom. "Made in Japan" was then synonymous with "cheaply made." Of course, Japan later went on to make motorcycles, stereos, cars and anime and bury us economically but that's another story. So is the transformation of the dime store into the dollar store.

But the original point that I seem to be losing was that you could buy these little plastic magnetic dogs as toys. One dog was black, one was white and they had magnets in the base. If they faced each other, they attracted one another and if they were face-to-back, they repelled one another. Exactly the opposite of real dogs, of course. But they were cute and fun to play with for about 20 seconds.

You can go here to find out more about magnetic dogs. Oddly enough, this site is apparently pertaining to hoodoo artifacts. Who knew that the innocent little magnetic dogs had mysterious magical properties? I suppose playing with them as a child warped me forever. It would explain a lot.

If you absolutely have to buy some magnetic dogs right the hell now you can go here. You can also buy magic penis necklaces and a whole bunch of other amulets, charms and talismans if you need them to get your mojo working. You're welcome.

So now that you have this fascinating background, I can explain that the Magnetic Dog Sisters were characters in a William Gibson short story called "Johnny Mnemonic." This was made into a movie I never saw, but in the story the eponymous Johnny wanders into a bar where the door was manned (womanned?) by two people called the Magnetic Dog Sisters. One was black, one was white and it was speculated that one of them used to be male but no one knew which one. They were tough bitches and I liked the characters a lot, even if they received only passing mention in the story. Hence Magnetic Dog Sisters Day in the Hulles Calendar.

Coming up later this week is one of my favorite holidays, although I didn't invent this one. The Finlanders in Minnesota celebrate every December 7 as the day that Pearl Maki Got Bombed in Two Harbors. My friend Paul and I used to celebrate this holiday every year by going out for cocktails and we would sit next to one another and comfortably not talk to each other. We used to celebrate a lot of Hulles holidays that way, come to think of it. I miss him -- he had the ill grace to die of cancer a number of years ago, much like others I could name. Bastards.

The following day, 8 December, is Perpetrating Acts of Senseless Kindness Day. I feel this is self-explanatory.

There you have the Hulles Holidays for this week. If you would like a personal copy of the Hulles Calendar with all my bizarre and esoteric holidays for 2008, please send me a check for $US 20.00 and I'll send you an email with a list of them all and you can make it yourself. Be the first one on your block to celebrate Cocktail Weenie Day (1 February) or John de Conqueror Root Day (21 November). Party with your friends or enjoy them alone, they'll still add a zest to your life that you can't do without no longer. Order now, smooth operators are standing by.

- Hulles

A New Look

As the more observant among you might notice, this old creaky blog has a brand new look. I hope you like it. I like it. I plan to start posting again on a quasi-regular basis any day now.

I'm still sneezing from all the dust that was kicked up when I dismantled the old blog template and carted it to the landfill. Don't tell anyone about the asbestos that was used to make the sidebars.

See you soon.

- Hulles

Rest In Peace

My brother who was nearly as creepy as I am died on Halloween Day, 31 October 2007. He fought a long and valiant struggle against cancer and I'm glad he doesn't have to fight any more. My family was with him at the end, and we managed to keep him in his home until the last.

I reproduce the obituary from the Fort Dodge Messenger here:

HUMBOLDT — Thomas Leo Hull, 52, of Humboldt, passed away October 31, 2007 at his home.

Services will be 1:00 p.m. Saturday at the Congregational United Church of Christ in Humboldt with the Rev. Mark Gustafson officiating.

Tom is survived by his daughter, Jenna Hull of Lincoln, NE; mother, Donna Hull of Humboldt; father Fred (Barbara) Hull of Humboldt; and his brother, Mark Hull of St. Paul, MN. He was preceded in death by his sister, Marilyn Hull, and grandparents, Floyd and Rose Ressler, and Alvey Fred and Lulu Hull.

Thomas Leo Hull was born August 31, 1955 at Fort Dodge, Iowa and was raised and educated at Humboldt. He graduated from Humboldt High School in 1973 and attended Simpson College in Indianola. He married Kathy Gustin at Oelwein, Iowa and to this union was born their daughter, Jenna. The family made their home at Lincoln, Nebraska where Tom was employed by the Cushman Corporation. He then served as the purchasing agent for the Ski-Jack Corp and Hewlett Packard in Atlantic, IA and Omaha, NE. Tom became the purchasing agent for KBR, a subsidiary of the Halliburton Corp, and served as a contractor in Iraq for a year and a half. It was while he was in Iraq that Tom was diagnosed with cancer and he returned home to Humboldt. He made his home with his father Fred until becoming a resident at Humboldt Homes where he passed away on the morning of October 31, 2007 at the age of 52.

Tom enjoyed riding his Harley Davidson Fat Boy, his buddies at “Pete’s”, his Kitty and loved spending time with his daughter, Jenna. Tom’s family would like to particularly thank and acknowledge Hospice of Humboldt County for their loving care and support during these difficult times.

I intend to write more about his passing, but for now perhaps this will suffice. I miss him a lot.

I'm going to be writing here again, but I want to change the look-and-feel of this blog before I do so it may be a bit yet.

Thanks so much to all of you for your support. It helped more than you'll ever know. Hugs to all of you.

- Hulles

Em's In Africa

This short entry is on a different topic than has been the case recently.

My lovely friend Emily is doing an internship in Kenya and has been emailing her friends (and me) with periodic updates on her experiences there. They make very interesting reading, so I volunteered to create a blog for her and transcribe her emails into blog entries and post them.

The blog is Em's in Africa, and if you have an interest in other cultures (assuming you aren't Kenyan) you should check it out. I'm bugging Emily for a bio and some pictures and she promises she'll get me what she can when she is able.

My favorite post so far is "Not For The Weak-Hearted." It's an absorbing and touching anecdote about visiting some mothers in a slum in Nairobi.

The reason I'm doing the blog for Emily is that she has limited access to the Internet where she is, if you're curious.

I find the transcription process to be therapeutic but I'm still not ready to write new posts for myself yet. I'm in Iowa for the duration, which unfortunately does not appear to be very long now.

I miss you all, and kwa heri, as Em would say.

- Hulles

P.S. If you do visit Emily's blog, it would be nice if you would comment. Em is new to blogging and hasn't yet discovered the thrill of having complete strangers (to her) read her writing. And you are the best complete strangers ever.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Just a quick update for those of you who may care.

I'm still assisting in the care of my brother, which means I'm spending 4 or 5 days in Iowa then coming back to Saint Paul for a couple days to get yelled at by Mimi, my big-boned cat. My evil pal Unca Don is taking care of her in my absence, bless his black little heart.

My brother is doing okay, considering. He had a good day on Monday which pleased me to no end.

This whole ordeal is unimaginably hard, but I wouldn't be doing anything else. But my back is killing me and I'm continually exhausted, so still no energy to write. I am storing up a bunch of stuff though, so at some point I'm going to deluge you with blog entries of the first water. We'll see.

I miss you all lots and lots. I also miss reading all your blogs. Except that one blog.

And it really sucks that Lollie and Kat got together in NYC without me. I guess I'll have to show 'em both what fun really is when I am a little less harried and can invade Nuevo York. Hah.

Hugs and kisses to you all, and thanks for caring. It means a lot.

- Hulles


P.S. The Latin title is from memory, I'm too burnt out to actually make sure I remembered it correctly. A half-hearted apology if it's incorrect.

Update

I guess I owe you an update, so here it is. And I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that Lucille II and I are geeking out a bar right now so I can drink scotch (albeit cheap scotch) as I write this entry.

The bad news is that the bar is in Iowa, and I'm in Iowa because my little brother is not doing so well. "Not doing so well" in this particular case means he doesn't have much longer to be almost as creepy as I am. He has aggressive cancer and a brand new crop of tumors, so he is in home hospice and I'm taking care of him and am in Iowa for the duration. I just discovered that this place is one of the only places in town with Internet access, so at least maybe I can keep in sporadic touch with you all. And get away occasionally and have a cocktail, which is a welcome bonus.

I debated with myself about making this a blog entry but I decided that I owed you all an explanation for my extended absence. I'm very happy that I have the opportunity to be with my brother at this time and he's very appreciative that I'm around, so it's all working out pretty well as far as all that goes. He's still able to grimace and give me the finger when I tell him how shitty he looks so things are still pretty normal in our relationship, which is a good thing. He's in good spirits and to tell the truth in spite of everything he's still better looking than I am, the bastard.

So that's what's going on. I'm becoming quite the efficient male nurse, so if any of you need your asses wiped send me an email. I won't do it, of course, but I can explain to you how it should be done. I feel strongly that a vigorous flourish at the end is both a hygienic de rigueur and a nice stylistic touch.

I miss writing a lot and I miss you all terribly. I'm glad you all are out there. It helps. Hugs and kisses to all of you that are huggable and kissable, and frank manly handshakes to the rest of you.

- Hulles