Rest In Peace

My brother who was nearly as creepy as I am died on Halloween Day, 31 October 2007. He fought a long and valiant struggle against cancer and I'm glad he doesn't have to fight any more. My family was with him at the end, and we managed to keep him in his home until the last.

I reproduce the obituary from the Fort Dodge Messenger here:

HUMBOLDT — Thomas Leo Hull, 52, of Humboldt, passed away October 31, 2007 at his home.

Services will be 1:00 p.m. Saturday at the Congregational United Church of Christ in Humboldt with the Rev. Mark Gustafson officiating.

Tom is survived by his daughter, Jenna Hull of Lincoln, NE; mother, Donna Hull of Humboldt; father Fred (Barbara) Hull of Humboldt; and his brother, Mark Hull of St. Paul, MN. He was preceded in death by his sister, Marilyn Hull, and grandparents, Floyd and Rose Ressler, and Alvey Fred and Lulu Hull.

Thomas Leo Hull was born August 31, 1955 at Fort Dodge, Iowa and was raised and educated at Humboldt. He graduated from Humboldt High School in 1973 and attended Simpson College in Indianola. He married Kathy Gustin at Oelwein, Iowa and to this union was born their daughter, Jenna. The family made their home at Lincoln, Nebraska where Tom was employed by the Cushman Corporation. He then served as the purchasing agent for the Ski-Jack Corp and Hewlett Packard in Atlantic, IA and Omaha, NE. Tom became the purchasing agent for KBR, a subsidiary of the Halliburton Corp, and served as a contractor in Iraq for a year and a half. It was while he was in Iraq that Tom was diagnosed with cancer and he returned home to Humboldt. He made his home with his father Fred until becoming a resident at Humboldt Homes where he passed away on the morning of October 31, 2007 at the age of 52.

Tom enjoyed riding his Harley Davidson Fat Boy, his buddies at “Pete’s”, his Kitty and loved spending time with his daughter, Jenna. Tom’s family would like to particularly thank and acknowledge Hospice of Humboldt County for their loving care and support during these difficult times.

I intend to write more about his passing, but for now perhaps this will suffice. I miss him a lot.

I'm going to be writing here again, but I want to change the look-and-feel of this blog before I do so it may be a bit yet.

Thanks so much to all of you for your support. It helped more than you'll ever know. Hugs to all of you.

- Hulles

And I Can Act Like I'm In Brazil

We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine

- Men Without Hats, Safety Dance

Item: My Brazilification is still underway. I'm listening to lots of Brazilian music these days thanks to Casti and cK and I'm slowly but surely picking up more Portuguese. I set aside Amado's "War of the Saints" however; the pace of the book was just too slow for me. I need something to be happening when I read a novel. Perhaps it's just a poor translation. However I suspect it's really that it is a product of the sixties and partakes a little too much of the (then) heady new school of writing.

In keeping with my Brazil theme, a dear friend confessed yesterday that she always thought the lyrics of the song "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats were:

You can act real rude and totally removed
And I can act like I'm in Brazil.

Perfect. Thanks Erin.

Item: Thanks to those of you who wished my brother Leo (who's nearly as creepy as I am) well. I'm happy to report that he still looks better than I do, cancer notwithstanding. Which isn't that hard these days, by the way -- I am overdue for a beard trim by about three weeks. I look like a Gabby Hayes that was left in the dryer too long.



Item: As those of you who have read me for a while know, not only am I madly in love with Kat but I also happen to think she is a very funny writer. My opinion was vindicated last Thursday when her blog pink india ink was "gawkered." If you don't know, The Gawker is a New York City media/gossip publication that is very widely read, and when one's blog is mentioned on this site it is a very big deal indeed. You can read the article that was gawkered here, although I'm still a little unsure about whether or not I am to be lumped in with the blue-hairs she was talking about. Congratulations, Kat. And nice thighs, by the way.

Item: You'll be happy to know that the Ferragamo quirt marks on my shoulders and thighs have almost faded. The ones on my hinder seem to be taking longer to heal. Ah, memories....

Item: In more blog news, Mugshots Magazine has made its debut. Co-founded by Hulles Adjutant Curmudgeon Stephen Blackmoore, the magazine solicits and publishes fiction based on mugshot images put up on the web site. Check out this nascent publication before it gets all old and gnarly and shit and has hair growing out of its ears and repeats the same story over and over. Congratulations Mr. Blackmoore. [Late-breaking news: site's under construction, check back later. - The Management]

Item: RFP's are being accepted for the next Hulles get-together. If you're interested let me know. It'll be another old-fashioned Texas Braincell Massacre I'm sure. I'm lining up the morris dancers tomorrow.

Item: Last but not least I sold an article to Avenues recently. Thanks Michael, you have impeccable taste as always. If you're curious, the corresponding blog entry is Ignoble Drone Am I? Why You Little.... The irony of that piece being published in a print magazine is lost on no one, trust me.

We can dance if we want to
We've got all your life and mine
As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it
Everything'll work out right....

-- Hulles

I Had Sex With Abba!

First of all, the title has nothing to do with this post, I just needed a lurid headline to trick you into reading this and that one popped into my head. I don't even want to speculate why that might be the case. Wish I could have gotten the backwards "b" in "Abba" going on though.

Second, I need to run down to Iowa for a couple days and see my brother Leo, who is nearly as creepy as I am. I'll post again on Sunday or Monday. I'm a little disappointed because the timing is good for a particularly funny post right now and all you get is this. But so it goes.

I do, however, have a favor to ask of you: Don't post any fun and interesting and provocative comments while I'm gone! It's going to drive me crazy to be gone for a couple of days and wonder what the hell's going on in the comments while I'm not there:

"Hi Leo, good to see you! How's the terminal cancer? Hey that's great, say, mind if I use your PC and sign on to the Internet? Won't take but an hour or two..."

Although I think he'd understand if I told him I was in the process of arranging a menage-a-1701 (he doesn't speak French). He is a Hulles after all, if only a shoddy counterfeit Hulles who grew up in my shadow.

So this will be a short post, I have to pack my sex helmet, monogrammed tooth dam and Thom McCann quirt (hey, you never know who you'll run into at the Knotty Pine) and get the hell out. But I'll miss you lots.

And don't have any fun while I'm gone, dammit!

-- Hulles

[Sneaks back in to check comments after leaving the first time:] Good. Keep it that way.

-- Hulles

Revenge of the Neuigkeiten

Item: As I mentioned, I recently visited my little brother Leo in Iowa who is nearly as creepy as I am. What I didn't mention is that he has terminal cancer. Of course the reason I didn't mention it is that it's a pretty personal thing. But I think it's time to out him: I consider Leo to be inexcusably rude for having cancer. I think the jerk is just doing it for the attention, just like he always did as we were growing up. Once again, he's only thinking of himself. Doesn't he realize how much this disrupts my life? Does he think I can just drop everything and drive down to Iowa on a whim? What about my blog audience (both of you)? No, he has to be completely selfish and milk suffering and dying for all its worth. He could at least be a little more considerate and wait until I have nothing better to do than linger around our small Iowa town while he grows tumors the way a yard grows dandelions. But no, not my little brother. It's always about him.

And so what if his fiancée dumped his ass and moved back home? I've found fiancées are overrated anyway, let alone wives. With Leo, it's always something. If it isn't terminal cancer, it's women. What happened to the stoic “suffer in silence” shit we were brought up with? Apparently it just rolled off my brother like water off a duck's back. He actually even brought up the fact that the woman left him, which is just not done around our place. Oh well, I suppose I can cut him a little slack because he didn't really say much about it other than that it happened. Otherwise we'd call that complaining.

At least he's looking pretty good. Better than his older brother, in fact. He's still fat and sassy, particularly for someone who was given six months to live a year and a half ago. He's not the prodigious drinker and partier that he was, but hey, who is these days? Anyway, if you have any spare good thoughts, please send them to Leo. Maybe that way he'll quit whining about this dying shit¹.

Item: On a more whimsical note (and sorry about killing your buzz with the first item), I did some more “acting” for Chasing Windmills this week, this time in a Minneapolis skyway. If you care, the episodes I've been in so far that I know about (filmed prior to this week) are Microsofty and Tailed Transaction. You know, as I've watched these episodes, even I think I'm creepy. It's sort of disturbing. I have to keep telling myself, “I'm not really a stalker. I just play one on TV.” I can only imagine what a viewer who doesn't know me thinks -- probably that I make Anthony Perkins in “Psycho” look like a Boy Scout. Anyway, all of this is great fun and I really enjoy doing it; it's completely bizarre and funny. Thanks yet again for the opportunity, Cristina and Jadelr.

Item: My laptop Lucille finally retired last week. Lucille II is younger, faster, thinner, and better looking. So it goes; I draw no conclusions here. The original Lucille does have a place of honor in my home office, however, and still occasionally goes out golfing with a couple other aging notebook computers during the week. She's thinking about buying a laptop case in a computer compound in Tempe, Arizona, hoping that the warmer drier climate will improve her CPU speed and allow Microsoft products to actually run on her for a couple more years. I personally think she's dreaming, but I don't tell her that. Whatever, another couple days and I will have forgotten she even existed.

Item: Thanks to Anne Frasier for reminding me about Naked Wednesdays. Good lord, it's getting bad when someone has to remind you of your own holidays. Fortunately I was able to doff my clothes at the redundantly-named Nina's Coffee Cafe just in the nick of time yesterday. However, as I mentioned to Anne, I should have warned the parents with young children first. Now the both the little girls and the little boys that were present will grow up with unrealistic expectations of adult males.

Item: Somebody stuck their finger up my ass today. Luckily for all concerned, it was my doctor. Girls, you don't know what you're missing. More good news is that I still have a prostate. Whew. I'd hate to have to rummage around my cluttered office trying to find that.

Das ist Alles.

-- Hulles

1Actually, Leo has somehow been able to maintain a really good attitude through all this. Better than I would be able to do, without a doubt. The man has amazing courage, but you didn't hear it from me.

Please Hold For The Next Available Smooth Operator

Sorry for the paucity of recent posts. I'm currently in Iowa visiting my brother who's nearly as creepy as I am. You can expect a new post or eight on (possibly) Wednesday or (probably) Thursday.

I keep expecting people down here to recognize me at the local grocery store from my recent movie role, but to date no one has. Nekulturny Iowans.

I miss you guys. (Sniff.)

-- Hulles