I have not had the pleasure of meeting these breasts personally, but I really enjoy the thought of this friend and her smart boobs:
[Sunday in a coffee shop somewhere in Florida. Slim attractive woman sits at table doing NY Times crossword. Woman has intelligent breasts.]
Woman: [scratches her head with her pencil] Dang! I'm really having trouble with 32 Across!
Woman: [looks around furtively, then starts whispering down the front of her shirt] Psst! Girls! Wake up, we're doing the Times crossword here, no time for napping! What's a six-letter word for 'potion,' fourth letter 'x'?
Left Breast: Jesus, I can't believe you even have to ask that! What the hell is between your ears, adipose tissue?
Right Breast: No shit. If you don't mind, your left tit and I were just trying to mentally retrace Bloom's journey in Dublin from mammary. Mammary, get it? Play on words, Einstein. Bloom is a character in Ulysses by James Joyce, just to anticipate your next stupid question.
Woman: [glances around again, then talks down front of her shirt less quietly than before] Grk! Ftt! Why you little ingrates, I've taught you everything you know! Fork over with the answer or I'll start wearing padded bras again so I don't have to put up with your shit anymore.
Right Breast: Tch, tch, watch your temper, dear. Want the answer or not?
Left Breast: Yeah, without us you'll still be working on this crossword when next Sunday's puzzle comes out.
Right Breast: Yeah! Loser!
Woman: Nnrk! I'm gonna... [suddenly pauses, then smiles slyly] Say ladies, you know, I was just thinking that the last mammogram I had was somewhat inconclusive and I should have another one just to be sure. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you, after all....
Left Breast and Right Breast: [in unison] Elixir! Elixir!
Woman: Damn straight, 'elixir.' Now what's 63 Down, 8 letter word for a 'tar-like substance?'
So my friend is a pretty lucky woman, I think. Not only does she possess boobs, she's got brainy ones in the bargain. I wonder if she'll let me use 'em the next time I do the Sunday crossword:Woman: [scratches her head with her pencil] Dang! I'm really having trouble with 32 Across!
Woman: [looks around furtively, then starts whispering down the front of her shirt] Psst! Girls! Wake up, we're doing the Times crossword here, no time for napping! What's a six-letter word for 'potion,' fourth letter 'x'?
Left Breast: Jesus, I can't believe you even have to ask that! What the hell is between your ears, adipose tissue?
Right Breast: No shit. If you don't mind, your left tit and I were just trying to mentally retrace Bloom's journey in Dublin from mammary. Mammary, get it? Play on words, Einstein. Bloom is a character in Ulysses by James Joyce, just to anticipate your next stupid question.
Woman: [glances around again, then talks down front of her shirt less quietly than before] Grk! Ftt! Why you little ingrates, I've taught you everything you know! Fork over with the answer or I'll start wearing padded bras again so I don't have to put up with your shit anymore.
Right Breast: Tch, tch, watch your temper, dear. Want the answer or not?
Left Breast: Yeah, without us you'll still be working on this crossword when next Sunday's puzzle comes out.
Right Breast: Yeah! Loser!
Woman: Nnrk! I'm gonna... [suddenly pauses, then smiles slyly] Say ladies, you know, I was just thinking that the last mammogram I had was somewhat inconclusive and I should have another one just to be sure. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you, after all....
Left Breast and Right Breast: [in unison] Elixir! Elixir!
Woman: Damn straight, 'elixir.' Now what's 63 Down, 8 letter word for a 'tar-like substance?'
[Woman's cell phone rings; she answers it to hear:] Hi, it's me, Hulles. Put your tits on will you? I'm stumped on a couple puzzle answers. Yeah yeah, I only like you for your boobs, happy now? Put 'em on already, these minutes ain't free.
You know, this scenario really isn't so far-fetched the more I think about it. As a case in point I almost always end up listening to my dick when it talks. I wouldn't go so far as to call it intelligent, exactly, but it certainly is good at impassioned pleading.
-- Hulles
