Wednesday, January 04, 2017

Since I'm not currently in a relationship I can say this out loud: Norah Jones is the Sexiest Woman in the World. I feel this very strongly. If anyone should disagree with me, and I can't think why anyone would, I would just tell them to listen to her album "Come Away With Me". If I even hear a couple notes of the title track (which is "Come Away With Me" if you weren't paying attention earlier), I get all gooshy inside and have to sit down on a chair. If I hear her sing "I've Got To See You Again" I have to get up out of the chair and go get a towel to put under me when I sit down on the chair again. (That metaphor would work better if I was a woman, but to go the man route would just be gross.) So yeah. World's Sexiest Woman, hands down. Thankfully there's a towel there.

 As an aside, I saw her poppa (Ravi Shankar) perform live a couple of times. I'm not sure how that even fits into this post, but I'm sticking it in anyway; it's one of the perks of this being my blog.

So I just finished listening to "I've Got To See You Again" a bunch of times, like a bajillion seventeen times but who's counting, and I started thinking what it must have been like to be Norah Jones after recording "Come Away With Me". She made the album in 2002 so it was a while ago, but this is what I imagine she said one evening as she was sitting at home talking to her cat:

"Wow, it was a lot of work making 'Come Away With Me', but it's finally done. Whew. Oh, by the way, did I mention I just nailed down the title of Sexiest Woman in the World?"


"Yup, no shit. Sexiest Woman in the World. I'm Numero Uno....."




"I know, right, now what should I go for? Pole vaulting? Do they even have women pole vaulters? They must. Or maybe I'll take up tatting."


"Tatting, it's a technique for handcrafting a particularly durable lace from a series of knots and loops. Look it up. Seems kind of, well, tame after Sexiest Woman in the World though. Maybe I could give, like, lessons in sexiness to the other three or four billion women in the world. If I got them all to sign up and had each of them send me a nickel I'd have a lot of money, probably. For sure I'd need a bigger place to store all the nickels."


"You know, you're right, there probably is a down side to being the Sexiest Woman in the World. What man is going to want to date me? Well, *all* of them, I suppose, but... okay, that's not really a down side.... DAMMIT! I have this little patch of cellulite on my thigh! I wish I'd written down the number for that cream from that infomercial the other night...."

- Hulles

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