Wednesday, January 04, 2017

Since I'm not currently in a relationship I can say this out loud: Norah Jones is the Sexiest Woman in the World. I feel this very strongly. If anyone should disagree with me, and I can't think why anyone would, I would just tell them to listen to her album "Come Away With Me". If I even hear a couple notes of the title track (which is "Come Away With Me" if you weren't paying attention earlier), I get all gooshy inside and have to sit down on a chair. If I hear her sing "I've Got To See You Again" I have to get up out of the chair and go get a towel to put under me when I sit down on the chair again. (That metaphor would work better if I was a woman, but to go the man route would just be gross.) So yeah. World's Sexiest Woman, hands down. Thankfully there's a towel there.

 As an aside, I saw her poppa (Ravi Shankar) perform live a couple of times. I'm not sure how that even fits into this post, but I'm sticking it in anyway; it's one of the perks of this being my blog.

So I just finished listening to "I've Got To See You Again" a bunch of times, like a bajillion seventeen times but who's counting, and I started thinking what it must have been like to be Norah Jones after recording "Come Away With Me". She made the album in 2002 so it was a while ago, but this is what I imagine she said one evening as she was sitting at home talking to her cat:

"Wow, it was a lot of work making 'Come Away With Me', but it's finally done. Whew. Oh, by the way, did I mention I just nailed down the title of Sexiest Woman in the World?"

"Meow?"

"Yup, no shit. Sexiest Woman in the World. I'm Numero Uno....."

"Meow?"

"...."

"Meow?"

"I know, right, now what should I go for? Pole vaulting? Do they even have women pole vaulters? They must. Or maybe I'll take up tatting."

"Meow?"

"Tatting, it's a technique for handcrafting a particularly durable lace from a series of knots and loops. Look it up. Seems kind of, well, tame after Sexiest Woman in the World though. Maybe I could give, like, lessons in sexiness to the other three or four billion women in the world. If I got them all to sign up and had each of them send me a nickel I'd have a lot of money, probably. For sure I'd need a bigger place to store all the nickels."

"Meow."

"You know, you're right, there probably is a down side to being the Sexiest Woman in the World. What man is going to want to date me? Well, *all* of them, I suppose, but... okay, that's not really a down side.... DAMMIT! I have this little patch of cellulite on my thigh! I wish I'd written down the number for that cream from that infomercial the other night...."

- Hulles

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